


Yes My Lord: The Black Butler version of My Immortal

by ArgentNoelle, Sonia34



Series: badfic [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler, My Immortal
Genre: Ballroom Dancing, Gen, Graphic Descriptions of Clothing, Jealousy, Other, Parody, Tea, badfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26258596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentNoelle/pseuds/ArgentNoelle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonia34/pseuds/Sonia34
Summary: Hi my name is Sebastian Dark’ness Dementia Raven Michaelis and I have long ebony black hair that my master won’t let me cut because he’s a brat. Supposedly I remind him of his dog (that’s how I got my name) though I’m sure his dog didn’t have sparkling red eyes like the fires of hell.
Relationships: Sebastian Michaelis/Grell Sutcliff, William T. Spears/Grell Sutcliff
Series: badfic [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907740
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	Yes My Lord: The Black Butler version of My Immortal

**Author's Note:**

> AN: special fangz to Sonia34 for helping me wif da story and makin da spelling suk. U rok!

Hi my name is Sebastian Dark’ness Dementia Raven Michaelis and I have long ebony black hair that my master won’t let me cut because he’s a brat. Supposedly I remind him of his dog (that’s how I got my name) though I’m sure his dog didn’t have sparkling red eyes like the fires of hell and a lot of people tell me I look like Vincent Phantomhive (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!) I’m a demon but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a butler (I’m seventeen-thousand) and I spend most of my time fixing other people’s problems. I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I pull all of my clothes out of the ether, which is useful so I never have to buy more. Today I was wearing a black tailcoat with a vest underneath it and a white shirt underneath that with sleeve garters in case I needed to role up my sleeves, black trousers, white socks, and black oxford shoes. I was opening the curtains so my master would get up already. It was raining but sunny out anyway, so when I pulled back the curtains I could see my master groan and glare at me like this was MY fault somehow (AN: it wasn’t.) Later as I tried to fix the garden that Finny had half-pulled up I heard someone shout, “why if it isn’t Sebas-chan!”

“Oh,” I said, unenthusiastically. I turned around to see Grell. “It’s you.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me how I’m doing?” Grell pouted.

“I really can’t be bothered,” I said. Then I heard my master call me and I had to go away.

* * *

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was sunny again. I got out of my bed and took off my giant Hello Kitty t-shirt which I used for pyjamas. Instead, I put on the same exact thing I wore yesterday, fixing my butler’s pin to my uniform. I looked at myself in the mirror while I tried to figuse out what to do with my hair then decided not to do anything with it. My master’s fiancée, Lizzy (AN: Sonia, dis is u!) called me on the phone while I was tryin to figure out how many chocolate bars to order for the month. “Hi Sebastian!” she said chirpily.

“Hello, my lady. Is there anything you need?” I sighed.

“Nope,” Elizabeth replied. “I just heard from my footman who heard from your footman that you ran into Grell yesterday.”

“So what if I did?” I said.

“I mean, do you like Grell?” Elizabeth all curious like.

“No I f***ing don’t,” I shouted.

“Yeah right! Well anywey, I was just wondering if Grell would be free for the ball I’m hosting at ur manor tomorrow.”

“You’re hosting a ball at our manor tomorrow?” I asked, feeling a headache come on.

“OOps!” Lizzy giggled. “Well yeah, but if you see Grell again, say that I’m giving out invitations!”

Just then, Grell’s wild red hair peeked up outside of my window, and Grell’s saw-tooth teeth widened into a disturbing grin. “Did I hear someone say there’s a ball tomorrow, and I”M invited?” Grell said.

I couldn’t lie (my mast’ers fault again) so I couldn’t say “no” like I wanted to. Instead I said, “You shall never see me inviting you to anything on this property after what happened  _ last time _ ” (you really don’t want to know.)

Grell just smirked at me. “See you there, darling!” And flounced off with that huge red coat billowing out and covering my view of the garden and my master’s favorite white roses. I felt depressed.

* * *

On the night of the ball I put on my distinguished looking spectacles with the chains on the end, even though it would make me look like I was doing a couple’s thing with Grell, who always wore glasses with chains on the end, only those had skulls. My hair looked spiky like always. I covered my black nails with white gloves so that no one would notice them, and tried to tell myself that my young master was just as unhappy with this series of evens as I was—or he would be, once he heard about it. I felt a little depressed then so I cuddled some cats. Grell was still outside pretending to be a butler for some reason and all the hedges had been turned into skulls. I admired it from an aesthetic viewpoint but unfortunately that meant more work for me fixing everything again.

“I see you’ve arrived,” I said to Grell in a depressed voice, when Grell was still outside that door when the ball was scheduled to start.

“Well of course! I’ve been so excit-DEATH about it!” Grell said. Grell was wearing a fluffy white dress that looked like a fairy princess wedding dress, which was probably supposed to be a hint. I looked around and saw that Lau had appeared too, smoking drugs and opium. I ushered everyone inside and let Lizzy loose on them. Then I went upstairs to convince the young master to attend to his guests instead of sulking.

“I don’t want to dance,” he said, flatly. 

“Wait a minute,” I said, having a sudden thought. “You can’t dance, can you? Thats why you’re always such a wallflower at parties!”

“Hey, wait a minute,” the young master said, but I had already cooked up a fiendish (geddit? Coz I’m a demon) plan to get him to dance with me. He was pretty bad at it though, and I just kept thinking about all those parties I used to go to in Vienna and how everyone was so scandalized by my sexy waltz. The young master really didn’t appreciate what he had.

When the ball started Grell sand and I played the violin to a phonograph recording of the Phantom Five.

“The deep, dark night sky, and the stars of destruction

Not just simply a beautiful sight, such a thrilling sleepless night

To all those children, merry with those toys for show, say good bye!

And take my hand, tonight I’m gonna take you out for a stroll!” sang Agni.

“Agni is so f***ing hot,” I said to Grell. Suddenly Grell looked sad.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as we continued to sing and play. Then I caught on. “Hey, that doesn’t mean you have any less of a chance with me.”

“Really?” asked Grell sensitively, and probably would have tried to put an arm around me too but Grell was standing on the bottom of the stairs and I was standing at the top.

“Really,” I said. “Besides, Agni’s devoted to prince Soma Asman Kadar and he irritates me.”

The night went really well despite the fact that Lizzy smashed the young master’s ring into the floor so it broke into a bajillion pieces. I had a great time. So did Grell. At last I kicked all of the guests out, but Grell dragged me away into the forest.

“Grell!” I shouted. “What the f*** do you think you are doing?”

Grell didn’t answer but posed all suggestively pulling the dress up to expose an ankle!

“What the f***ing hell?” I asked angrily.

“Sebastian?” Grell asked.

“What?” I snapped.

Grell leaned in extra-close and I looked into those sea-green eyes which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn’t feel mad anymore.

And then……………….. Suddenly just as I Grell kissed me passionately. Grell climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. Grell took off my tailcoat and I ripped off that hideous wedding dress. I even took of my gloves. Then Grell’s thingy went in my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. 

“I can’t think of a better way to die,” Grell said. “Can you?”

“Yeah, a few,” I said. But smirked to show I was only joking. (I wasn’t.)

And then… 

“What the hell are you doing you motherf***ers!”

It was………………………………………………. Undertaker!

* * *

“You ludacris fools!” Undertaker shouted, laughing.

“Damn,” I said. “I wasn’t expecting any more guests at this hour. Sorry, Grell, I have to show him in.” I made myself presentable and we all walked back to the manor, Grell moaning piteously at how we’d been interrupted. When we got back to the manor the young master was there with Tanaka.

“They were having sexual intercourse in the forest!” Undertaker cackled. “Hee! Hee!”

“Hoh hoh hoh,” said Tanaka.

“How dare you?” demanded the young master.

And then Grell shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!”

Everyone was quiet, except for Undertaker, who was still laughing. Finally the young master said, “Fine. Very well. You may leave us now.”

Grell and I went upstairs while the young master glared at us.

“Are you okay, Sebas-chan?” Grell asked me gently.

“I’m really not,” I said, because I couldn’t lie. It was embarrassing and against my aesthetic to be caught out like this. (I swore vengeance on Undertaker.) I went to the servants wing and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and my favorite black stripper heels. When I came out…

Grell was standing in front of the bathroom, and started to sing Enamel by SID. I was so flattered, even though Grell wasn’t supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, I made Grell leave out the side entrance so I could go to bed.

* * *

The next day I woke up in my bed. I put on my black tailcoat with my vest underneath it and a white shirt underneath that and sleeve garters, black trousers, white socks, and my black oxford shoes and finger-combed my hair. I pressed my master’s paper and made sure Mey-Rin cleaned the stairs without shoe polish this time. Then I woke my master up and thought about when I would finally get to eat his soul. He was grumpy as usual, but he was also gothic, so I let it slide. He had spiky hair that was blue and black and an eyepatch over the eye that I put lightning in when we made our contract so that all the blood ran out, and really nice legs. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Ciel Phantomhive. He was so sexy that I wished he could die already so I could eat his soul, but I didn’t say that. I just poured him some tea and told he where it came from. I remembered when we first met.

_ “What’s your name?” I asked. _

_ “My name’s Ciel Phantomhive,” he said, because he was a liar. “But most people call me brat.” (I knew that wasn’t true either. Most people called him ‘The Spare’.) _

_ “Why?” I exclaimed. _

_ “Because I love the taste of human misery,” he giggled.  _

_ “Well, I am a demon,” I confessed. _

_ “Really?” he whimpered. _

_ “Yeah,” I roared. _

Ah, the good old days… I wasn’t allowed to shout at him anymore because I was a butler now. I had to be proper. At least he didn’t mention anything about Grell.

* * *

Grell and I held our pale white hands with black nails and red nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing a black Satanist pentagram on my left hand because I was in a contract with the young master (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to the young master. Dark misery was in his depressed eye. I guess he was jealous that he wasn’t going to get afternoon tea yet since I was busy. Anyway, I went through a portal into another universe excitedly with Grell. We went into Grell’s room and locked the door. Then………

“puis-je avoir du thé noir??” Grell asked.

“Non, je n'ai que du thé au lait mongol” I said.

“c'est bien aussi”

“il contient du sel supplémentaire” I said.

Grell choked. “I can tell!” And got up and almost knocked the teacup in it in haste to get to some water. I laughed. Suddenly I saw a container filled with coffee I had never seen before on Grell’s shelf. It had a black heart with an arrow in it. On it in bloody gothic red writing were the words….. Suit!

I was so angry.

“You bastard!” I shouted, standing up and putting away the tea set.

“No! No! But you don’t understand!” Grell pleaded. But I knew too much.

“No, you f***ing idiot!” I shouted. “You probably have caffeine poisoning anyway!” I put my gloves on huffily and stomped out. Grell ran out too, naked, just to be dramatic. I didn’t even care about Grell’s really big you-know-what. I was too mad. I stomped out and did so until I was in Suit’s training seminar for new reaper recruits.

“SUIT T. SPEARS, YOU MOTHERF***ER!” I yelled.

* * *

My young master Earl Ciel Phantomhive smiled at me understatedly. My young master was kidnapped on his tenth birthday. His parents were descended from reapers and one of them was the Queen’s Guard Dog but the Queen killed both of them and his father wrote a journal about it because he was depressed about it. He still has nightmares about being tortured and is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out his real name is a secret I’m not allowed to tell you, and not Ciel. (Since he has converted to Satanism he has also started a successful sweets and toy company.)

“What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!” Undertaker demeaned happily in his creaking voice but I ignored him.

“Suit, I can’t believe you cheated on me with Grell!” I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don’t know why Sebby is so mad at me. I had went out with Suit (I’m bi and so is Sebby) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Undertaker, a stupid preppy f***er. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

“But I’m not going out with Grell anymore!” said Suit.

“Yeah f***ing right! F*** off, you bastard!” I screamed. I ran out of the reaper’s universe into the manor forest where I had lost my virility to Grell and then I started to bust into tears.

The End


End file.
